(I originally started writing this about 2 wks back when in a particularly depressed mood...it started as a classic "Psalm of David/Lamentation" style prose, but then as I went back to edit it & the mood had lifted, it ended up just being a little reflection on life's "mid-life lessons" (boring, right?)...but hey, it was writing practice for me & a time of transparency for you all to see another side that I don't normally post on this blog...enjoy)
I think that many times this blog is a reflection of my accomplishments, life's great moments as would generally be defined by the general populace...moments of excitement, joy, adventure (I like that word), thrill, etc. But there's obviously another side to life.. I think it's partly a "guy" thing to hide those moments of frustration, anger, disappointment, or even deep discouragement, loneliness &/or sadness...but I don't think I'd be human if I didn't experience those feelings & I don't think I've fooled any of you into thinking that I don't...
So while you don't come online & look up this webpage to see what a bummer of things my life sometimes is, I do feel that there's a time to share the difficulties in life with those we are close to, as I believe that one of our greatest comforts in life is drawn from knowing that others we love go through similar times of difficulty, heartache & frustration...Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. (2 Cor. 1:4)
So enjoy these few random melancholy musings, that while seemingly soppy & sad, are actually proof that we need a well-rounded spectrum of experiences/circumstances to make us into what we should be..
--I miss Africa!...as most of you know, Africa was not only home for 10 years, but was also the where I started my adult life, discovered the real meaning of giving my life for others, traveled extensively on my own, learned to be a true missionary & the was, incidentally the birth place of this blog...The myriad of beautiful/exquisite/original & memorable experiences can't be repeated here (although they'll be printed & bound at some point), but serve as a collection of the most memorable years of my life & are a permanent part of me...since "coming to America" I've been in a time of learning & change, but I do feel that I left my heart in Africa & thereby am clearly not my full self..I know I'll return there someday...
missing the myriad of true & close friends I made there over the course of a decade has also been an extremely difficult adjustment (although, thank God, I've made new friends here & am surrounded by family as well, which is great)...the abrupt severance of my connection with so many who I'd grown to know & love over 10 years in Africa has been an extreme challenge...but thank God for facebook, right?
--Adjusting to life's different stages is both challenging & interesting...Developing a depth in life comes from God's hand & is many times acquired in that realization that life doesn't turn out the way you want it to, or in my case, being at a place in life where many things would've been differently had I been in control at each faze of life...but that's where that surreal & trustworthy perspective touches your life that makes you pull down faith...that testing of your spirit that can result in utter peace, when you realize that a Greater work is at purpose in your life...this is the age where I'm at; where the look back views full & amazing years lived, but the future is still open & untouched...So I guess this "middle" feeling of limbo & adjustment I'm experiencing can't be mid-life crisis, as there's still too many experiences ahead...or maybe it's a "pre-midlife" crisis...yikes..
(transparency alert)
--I'm at the point where my bachelorhood has gotten to be an ironic mix of tedious expired overdue impatience & a subtle adjustment into a sort of settling that's neither disturbing nor peaceful...(?!?!) The lesson is that God's plan for mankind was not to be alone (!!)...I've always had a dream to marry & raise a family & while some say that if you're single for X amount of years it will always be that way, I'm still a dreamer in that regard & always remain hopeful for that utopia I've come to idealize...but until that time, I still dream of meeting that angel who I'll click compatibly with, as we strike romance right off the bat & live happily ever after...maybe the trick is getting to be this romantically inclined charmer, so as to attract said angel into my life...or maybe another life lesson will be learned through all this that love, while beautiful, is far from perfect & that the ideal happiness is not found in a perfect match of barbie & ken, but in two imperfect people filling the missing pieces in each other's puzzles (mmmm...kinky)..
So to that end, I don't go to movie's or to dinner (absolutely never) by myself, as doing either of these would ring the "bachelorhood bell" so loudly in my ear that I'd run out & marry the first random chick I found on the corner & God knows that wouldn't last (although it worked for Richard Gere in Pretty Woman..If life & movies were more like each other, life would be so different)...
This is getting too long...so 2 help you all avert boredom & the acquistion of a sudden case of the "I-fell-asleep-while-reading-a-blog-post-syndrome", I'll sign off here..
thus ends part 1 of "pieces of me" on ad 4 life, by Brian Whyte...see you in part 2...
